WHY ?

Sunday morning and CM rang ... I was thinking it could be for his morning walk. When I entered his door a pleasant smile glowed on his face - he just wanted to know when I will be ready to assist him with his new routine. The smile caught my fancy - he used to be a difficult person who got irritated with almost anything . He hurled insults on almost all of us but he had changed. Now he is in control with his temper and is having a positive outlook with his life.

For reasons I did not bother to ask myself - I lingered opening his curtains to let more sunshine in. It was a beautiful Sunday morning and I was not supposed to be working that day. CM said  "you have been working long hours these days and you must be tired " he did not want to stress me and was happy to wait - I recalled once before another man was occupying the same room. One night when I did my rounds I found the previous occupant still awake and in pain - I told tell him , hey you are in pain and you are not even ringing the bell - the man replied - he saw me working hard and doing long hours he wanted me to have a rest. I realized oh no, they are seeing things and they think - so I have to tell CM  - how the other nurse had a slipped disc and need to rest while I agreed to do her a favour by doing her shift and she will do my turn for the next.

CM was writing on his journal and he told me - everything in this life has a purpose.  He told me about how he started taking alcohol when he was in his teens and what a waste it was . The first time I heard of what CM was talking was in the church when we were taught that - Life on this Earth is not by accident and that everyone we meet in this life we already knew from the pre-existence by which for commitments we have made there we see each other again to walk together towards our divine destination. I love the thought for which I believe is no accident too - I need to hear it and love it for some reasons . It is this line of thought that I hang on everyday - moments can be easy or tough yet at the end of the day before I sleep I can only look back to ask - what happened today ? and on to the more crucial question - Why ?

Life is such a colourful show - it is a dynamic interaction of significant actors acting their roles in a spiritual drama . To the least this is my own  personal experience and belief and this is where my thoughts and emotion is anchored. People we get acquainted with - people we work with and work for - people who strengthen us with their loyalty - people who can only try to upset the balance of our energy - people who merely passed by and people we find hard to get rid off our minds - everyone and everything simply propels us to another experience that somehow pushes us into some direction in life . CM said, it is no accident that I was standing there before him and that we had to talk about what we were talking then. Further he said if we were friends in that spiritual existence that we once had maybe I was not female as I am now - and maybe he was not male as he is yet the purpose is not gender related but something our deeper self need to know.

By then I was like struck with  billions  of megavolts of light - in my mind that time was the thought of one soul - one man my heart can not just leave behind . I started laughing from the very first moment I knew his name yet we fought like the sun will never rise again. For a long time we ignored each other and at one point when I thought  I was ready to disregard him forever he came back. Then came one gruesome incident that I realized I needed to hold his hand  even without talking and just wanted him beside me not for anything but his company and he was there. One man who can be so very rude and mean but I can not leave for naught. And now as Westlife started singing Total Eclipse of the Heart I can only smile and say - oh funny but somewhat true - but then again - WHy ?