MY FRIEND MY ENEMY:

I knew him through a lady friend. I was online in messenger late 2008 when a sister friend popped up to say she had someone at her end she wanted me to meet. Allegedly he talked about so many things my friend could not cope up with him and she was thinking the two of us might just sort it well. Before I could ask any further questions a request to be added to my list came up ... in consideration to an existing friendship I dutifully clicked accept.

The very first chance of acquaintance was an outright challenge. Immediately a gush of arrogance blew from his end of the line . Apparently too evident to be true I took it as a joke and was laughing with every revelation spelled out before me. Guess it was just a matter of taking things in my own perspective. I do not talk the same way as he did and when I ever do usually it comes out insensible that I took things just as I would do it.

Too soon he literally flashed cold water right on my face when one day he came out with his naughty game. My friends were all privy to it - by then I never dream of meeting him - not with those obviously insincere " sure I will and am looking forward to seeing you " phrases most people usually and meaninglessly type on a stranger's window of a chat. As I look back to it now, I can go speechless. The point was I could have blocked him right there and then - but again - he appeared too unbelievable to take seriously that at such time when we meet online I end up giggling and even bursting into one big hearty laugh at every sarcasm he comes up with.

Physically, his photo was not one I would go gaga - vanity and conceit is surely a weakness if I may say. When it comes to friendship I tend to go deep . Intellectually, he does have something to say but again too much even for himself to listen and make sense. If he ever be famous in the social circle - his crowd is absolutely different from mine therefore I could not care more . Personally, I can say we were totally from two different worlds interacting in a totally different sphere yet the encounter stirred some kind of curiosity and interest in me maybe even a longing for something different that got me stuck.

Every chance of interaction was a calisthenics of character. When everyday I am polite and respectful because I must, he gives me the chance to be mean. Times when I am tired and quiet he would stir me up sending me to pick on words commensurate to his attacks. He is Mr. Asar.( I checked my Tagalog to find that it means to annoy ). If I was affected, surely I would never come this far ... reality check denotes that I actually enjoyed the exercise and was getting more of it. Untamed, I could have been more of an insensitive, rude and tactless person with a careless tongue and a dense heart.

Times when I need to work all day and comes home numb with fatigue, I longed for kulitan ... ( the act of being annoying). The chance makes me realize I am still alive. Times when words become too harsh and rude that I childishly cried " foul" ... somehow I can not seem to stay away from it and decided I should personally see the person behind the name and the words.

No one person in this world could totally be all good nor all bad. More everyone has our own time and reasons for becoming ourselves. Traces of both the positive and negative elements thrive in every person alive. He is not an exception.

Even through cyberspace a strong fence seemed to zealously protect something from trespassers. Insensible noises - superficial flirts and fleeting relationships - a man goes elusively sneaking out from any feel of trap. He is both obvious and vague. True, he is so many things to different people - being there as he wants people to think he is ... he plays an arduous task of fighting a right to be someone he is not but wanted to be regarded ... yet one fact a man like him will never verbally accept ... a man as he puts it ... one to be taken and read like a book ... page by page, chapter by chapter till you finish the whole lot and when you end up at the back cover you decide whether you might want to keep it.

My mortal enemy is my friend. We do not have to like each other to become friends that I decided for myself. Times when I wish we could just be one or the other but the echoes within me could not determine which one is it. I am obsessed with the interest to know more and see how far friendship could cope. So many things to say that is better left unsaid and will leave it as it is. In the meantime, I am really sleepy and must take a rest.

RANDOM 25:

1. FIRST 3 THINGS U DO WHEN U WAKE UP : a good stretch in bed to tune-in all the muscles; a few minutes of reading to give the mind a good start; a humble prayer to warm up the heart.
2. 3 OF UR ROUTINE THAT TAKES U A LONG TIME AND WHY : warm morning shower to clean me up, refresh my senses and enhance my system ... i do not get out of the water until everything has worked as i want it; doing my hair - shampoo- condition- treat - blowing and ironing ; and maybe taking that 600m walk to the workplace ...
3. UR REACTION TO FOOD : I do not usually feel hungry but I eat for energy , I am more into liquids as I tend to dehydrate easily . Heaps of juice, no coffee, a cup of tea with lemon without sugar and milk if ever I take one. Water - water - water .
4. FRIENDSHIP : I am confident to say I am an extremely loyal friend ...
5. ROMANCE : hihihi ... hard ... well I love with all my heart, care with all my might , potentially the best while the passion last....do not like that question enough.
6. 3 POSITIVE TRAITS: sense of humor to take as much sarcasm as tolerable - enough patience to endure challenges and forgiveness to an honest mistake
7. 3 ODD TRAITS : naughty - sharp when losing temper - outright when provoke
8. HAPPINESS: I am most happy when I am with people I know are honest, faithful and loyal to me. With them I care not for time, effort nor money . They are my friends and will always be there for them.
9. SADNESS: When I am cheated and used and when my friends are under assault.
10. 3 PERSONS U HAVE DEDICATED MOST ATTENTION : my daughter ; my friends ; and my special someone.
11. 3 STUPID THINGS U HAVE DONE: I made it through life feeling proud of my humble achievements and learning from my mistakes. I do not see anything of what I have been through as a waste. I may not be the best but I have done the most I can.
12. 3 THINGS YOU WANT DONE: hmmmm ... if I can make one miserable soul see that life is beautiful and let him/her have peace in his/her heart I am alright ... better if I can get more.
13. PLACES UR MOSTLY SEEN: in my bedroom - workplace - shop
14. THINGS MOST LIKELY TO BE ASSOCIATED TO YOU: lifesize mirror, personal ref , high heeled shoes, AV-home theatre set, oven, laptop , a car when I practically need to have one.
15. CLOTHES : Im not very particular about clothes - tshirts and denims will do , I like mini skirts but I feel cold here ... (hihihi) - some simple and elegant stuff for church.
16. EXPENSES U COULD DO WITHOUT BUT INSIST TO HAVE: scents - skin and hair care -
17. THINGS IN MOST WOMEN'S DESK THAT U DO NOT HAVE: make up set , jewelries and other accessories
18. R U STUBBORN? maybe just determined for I would rather do without than get something less of what I intend to get. no substitution for me ...
19. HATE: I may get hurt and stay away from the pain or stress forever but I do not hate someone.
20. LOVE: Sorry to say but I am not capable of unconditional love ... Im not religious but for all that I am my spirit feels and believe my GOD has extended me so much of unconditional love but I cant and have not done it to my fellowmen. Relationships just have to be fair...could be the blood of heroes in me ... hahahaha
21. OPPOSITE SEX : I believe men and women are complementary and supplementary - I would sweetly surrender something I enjoy for my best mate but the best could be the hardest part of it.
22. STRENGTH AND CONFIDENCE: A number of people come to me to say I am strong - I have my own weaknesses which I try to resist but could not hate myself for the times I failed. I know I am not stunningly attractive but I do not strive to be. I work a decent job and do my fair share of life's duties and obligations to get me going. When the time comes I must go and so be it.
23. ANY SILLY THOUGHTS : will probably answer later ... could not think of any right now...
24. COLOUR: Coolness of Blue - Elegance of Black - Pureness of White.
25. IF U WERE: an animal ?- a lioness; a flower? - rose; a fruit ?- strawberry; a bird? - eagle

TAKE TIME TO READ AND PONDER:

Why is the Filipino Special?
By Ed Lapiz

Filipinos are brown. Their color is at the center of human racial strains. This point is not an attempt at racism, but just for many Filipinos to realize that our color should not be a source of or reason for an inferiority complex. While we pine for a fair complexion, white people are religiously tanning themselves, under the sun or artificial light, to approximate the Filipino complexion.

Filipinos are a touching people. We have lots of love and are not afraid to show it. We almost inevitably create human chains with our perennial akbay (putting an arm around another's shoulder), hawak(hold), yakap (embrace), himas (caressing stroke), kalabit (touching with the tip of the finger), kalong (sitting on someone else's lap), etc. We are always reaching out, always seeking interconnection.

Filipinos are linguists.. Put a Filipino in any city, any town around the world. Give him a few months or even weeks and he will speak the local language there. Filipinos are adept at learning and speaking languages.

In fact, it is not uncommon for Filipinos to speak at least three: his own local dialect, Filipino, and English. Of course, a lot speak an added language, be it Chinese, Spanish or, if he works abroad, the language of his host country. In addition, Tagalog is not 'sexist.' While many 'conscious' and 'enlightened' people of today are just by now striving to be 'politically correct' with their language and, in the process, bend to absurd depths in coining 'gender sensitive' words,
Tagalog has, since time immemorial, evolved gender-neutral words like asawa (husband or wife), anak (son or daughter), magulang (father or mother), kapatid (brother or sister), biyenan (father-in-law or mother-in-law) , manugang (son or daughter-in- law), bayani (hero or heroine), etc. Our languages and dialects are advanced and, indeed, sophisticated!

Filipinos are groupists. We love human interaction and company. We always surround ourselves with people and we hover over them, too. According to Dr. Patricia Licuanan, a psychologist from Ateneo and Miriam College , an average Filipino would have and know at least 300 relatives.

At work, we live bayanihan (mutual help); at play, we want a kalaro(playmate) more than laruan (toy). At socials, our invitations are open and it is more common even for guests to invite and bring in other guests. In transit, we do not want to be separated from our group. So what do we do when there is no more space in a vehicle? Kalung-kalong! (Sitting on one another). No one would ever suggest splitting a group
and wait for another vehicle with more space!

Filipinos are weavers. One look at our baskets, mats, clothes, and other crafts will reveal the skill of the Filipino weaver and his inclination to weaving. This art is a metaphor of the Filipino trait. We are social weavers. We weave theirs into ours that we all become parts of one another. We place a lot of premium on pakikisama (getting along) and pakikipagkapwa (relating). Two of the worst labels, walang
pakikipagkapwa (inability to relate), will be avoided by the Filipino at almost any cost. We love to blend and harmonize with people, we like to include them in our 'tribe,' our 'family'- and we like to be included in other people's families, too. Therefore we call our friend's mother nanay or mommy; we call a friend's sister ate (eldest sister), and so on. We even call strangers tia/tita (aunt) or tio/tito
(uncle), tatang (grandfather) , etc.

So extensive is our social openness and interrelations that we have specific title for extended relations like hipag (sister-in-law's spouse), balae (child-in-law' s parents), inaanak (godchild), ninong/ninang (godparents) kinakapatid (godparent's child), etc.

In addition, we have the profound 'ka' institution, loosely translated as 'equal to the same kind' as in kasama (of the same company), kaisa (of the same cause), kapanalig (of the same belief), etc. In our social fiber, we treat other people as co-equals. Filipinos, because of their social 'weaving' traditions, make for excellent team workers.

Filipinos are adventurers. We have a tradition of separation. Our myths and legends speak of heroes and heroines who almost always get separated from their families and loved ones and are taken by circumstances to far-away lands where they find wealth or power. Our Spanish colonial history is filled with separations caused by the
reduccion (hamleting), and the forced migration to build towns, churches, fortresses or galleons. American occupation enlarged the space of Filipino wandering, including America , and there is documented evidence of Filipino presence in America as far back as 1587. Now, Filipinos compose the world's largest population of overseas
workers, populating and sometimes 'threshing' major capitals, minor towns and even remote villages around the world. Filipino adventurism has made us today's citizens of the world, bringing the bagoong (salty shrimp paste), pansit (sautéed noodles), siopao (meat-filled dough),kare-kare (peanut-flavored dish), balut (unhatched duck egg), and adobo (meat vinaigrette) , including the tabo (ladle) and tsinelas (slippers) all over the world.

Filipinos are excellent at adjustments and improvisation, managing to recreate their home, or to feel at home anywhere. Filipinos have Pakiramdam (deep feeling/ discernment) . We know how to feel what others feel, sometimes even anticipate what they will feel. Being manhid (dense) is one of the worst labels anyone could get and will therefore, avoid at all cost. We know when a guest is hungry though the
insistence on being full is assured. We can tell if people are lovers even if they are miles apart. We know if a person is offended though he may purposely smile. We know because we feel. In our pakikipagkapwa(relating), we get not only to wear another man's shoe but also his heart.

We have a superbly developed and honored gift of discernment, making us excellent leaders, counselors, and go-betweens. Filipinos are very spiritual. We are transcendent. We transcend the physical world, see the unseen and hear the unheard. We have a deep sense of kaba (premonition) and kutob (hunch). A Filipino wife will instinctively feel her husband or child is going astray, whether or not telltale
signs present themselves.

Filipino spirituality makes him invoke divine presence or intervention at nearly every bend of his journey. Rightly or wrongly, Filipinos are almost always acknowledging, invoking or driving away spirits into and from their lives. Seemingly trivial or even incoherent events can take on spiritual significance and will be given such space or consideration.

The Filipino has a sophisticated, developed pakiramdam. The Filipino,though becoming more and more modern (hence, materialistic) is still very spiritual in essence. This inherent and deep spirituality makes the Filipino, once correctly Christianized, a major exponent of the faith.

Filipinos are timeless. Despite the nearly half-a-millennium encroachment of the western clock into our lives, Filipinos-unless on very formal or official functions-still measure time not with hours and minutes but with feeling. This style is ingrained deep in our psyche. Our time is diffused, not framed. Our appointments are defined by umaga (morning), tanghali (noon ), hapon (afternoon), or gabi (evening). Our most exact time reference is probably katanghaliang- tapat (high noon), which still allows many minutes of leeway. That is how Filipino meetings and occasions are timed: there is really no definite time.. A Filipino event has no clear-cut beginning nor ending. We have a fiesta, but there is visperas (eve), a day after the fiesta is still considered a good time to visit. The Filipino Christmas is not confined to December 25th; it somehow begins months before December and extends
up to the first days of January.

Filipinos say good-bye to guests first at the head of the stairs, then down to the descanso (landing), to the entresuelo (mezanine), to the pintuan (doorway), to the trangkahan (gate), and if the departing persons are to take public transportation, up to the bus stop or bus station.

In a way, other people's tardiness and extended stays can really be annoying, but this peculiarity is the same charm of Filipinos who, being governed by timelessness, can show how to find more time to be nice, kind, and accommodating than his prompt and exact brothers elsewhere.

Filipinos are Spaceless. As in the concept of time, the Filipino concept of space is not numerical. We will not usually express expanse of space with miles or kilometers but with feelings in how we say malayo (far)or malapit (near). Alongside with numberlessness, Filipino space is also boundless. Indigenous culture did not divide land into private lots but kept it open for all to partake of its abundance.

The Filipino has avidly remained 'spaceless' in many ways. The interior of the bahay-kubo (hut) can easily become receiving room, sleeping room, kitchen, dining room, chapel, wake parlor, etc. Depending on the time of the day or the needs of the moment.

The same is true with the bahay na bato (stone house). Space just flows into the next space that the divisions between the sala, caida, comedor, or vilada may only be faintly suggested by overhead arches offiligree. In much the same way, Filipino concept of space can be so diffused that one 's party may creep into and actually expropriate the street! A family business like a sari-sari store or talyer may extend
to the sidewalk and street. Provincial folks dry palayan (rice grain)on the highways!

Religious groups of various persuasions habitually and matter-of-factly commandeer streets for processions and parades. It is not uncommon to close a street to accommodate private functions, Filipinos eat. sleep, chat, socialize, quarrel, even urinate, or nearly everywhere or just anywhere! 'Spacelessness, ' in the face of modern, especially urban life, can be unlawful and may really be counter-productive. On the other hand, Filipino spacelessness, when viewed from his context, is
just another manifestation of his spiritually and communal values. Adapted well to today's context, which may mean unstoppable urbanization, Filipino spacelessness may even be the answer and counter balance to humanity's greed, selfishness and isolation.

So what makes the Filipino special? Brown, spiritual, timeless,spaceless, linguists, groupists, weavers, adventurers; seldom do all these profound qualities find personification in a people. Filipinos should allow - and should be allowed to contribute their special traits to the world-wide community of men - ah. . .. . but first, they should know and like themselves.