ON BEING A FILIPINO

One of the first things that we have to be comfortable when we arrived New Zealand were the commonly used VOCABULARIES. We ordered a meal at an Asian food shop and the staff asked, " eat here or take away ". It was easy to understand what she meant as there was a previous phrase to consider "eat here or " although we expected to hear "take out " ... There were more terms to consider ... tap for faucet, cupboard for the usual cabinet, tram for train or top up to mean adding credit to one's mobile account. When the flat manager made her orientation on the night of our arrival she was talking of "whites" which somehow included the refrigerator, stove top with oven, washing machine, microwave and etc. Flat was what could have been called an apartment unit where we were to stay. The weather was cold and there was not much use for the word aircon or a/c; or brown out ( black out) as there was no power outages. Although when caught unaware I am still comfortable saying ay/ oy and opps. Somehow I learned to use toilet rather than comfort room. Otherwise, personally I continue to say ... ref ... aray instead of ouch ...ahh ching to sneeze ... start a statement with actually if I want to stress a point ... associate a DOM for a rich, elderly man who offers indecent proposals, calls OA the drama queens and princesses, but would rather NOT go TNT if worst turns to worst. When lavishly praised, I feel more comfortable to say ... di naman ... yet a thank you is always ready for any kind words.

What I never dared to use even when I was home were these terms: Colgate, Kutex, and Betamax for their generic names. Being called hoy and a pssst simply upsets me. I only typed pssst when I playfully get someone's attention in the chat but do not actually say it. I loved my very first New Zealand boss' accent, and I just could not take my eyes off her lips when we talk ... when I listened to conversations in public, I realized the locals normally sounds like asking a question when they end a phrase - yet it makes me feel weird listening to my friends trying so hard to mimic the local accent - it just does not sound right. It is better to be natural and I made it a rule just for myself. Correct gender is a must in every sentence but I do have the tendency to interchange the pronouns especially when the conversation get going fast. At work, I do ask the residents/patients " do you want me to close the light ? " or would you like your lights on or off?

As to Home Furnishings: I did go around looking for a tabo and I got mine for NZ$3.00 which translates to Php 90.00. You bet, I do not leave my dipper wherever I go and surely every Filipino woman could imagine what I use it for unless they do not do it for themselves. Life would not be the same without a video microphone - it is part of my treasured possession. I may not have a fly swat but I do roll a newspaper to hit all the flies that catches my sight. Rice dispenser can just be anything but a rice cooker is definitely indispensable.

Icons and religious portraits are not found in my place. Quilted covers on appliances I do not bother anymore as I do not get much dust here.The big wooden fork and spoon was never a part of my wall even when I was home and a pail is definitely an extra useless item in the bathroom here. What I found hard to handle, harder than the vacuum cleaner was the local broom ... it is too bulky and heavy.

Mannerisms/Personality Traits: I do nod my head upwards to greet someone and kiss relatives and friends when seeing them in a certain place. What I wanted doing is kissing the hands in blessing like what I used to do to my old folks when I was very young . I love the sun, unfortunately the sun dehydrates me too easily and gives me chills at night. I am not very gracious as to be offering my food to everybody, but I do share my M and Ms and Eclipse mints. I got my mother's name for a middle name yes and I do have my own way of scratching my head for some reasons not just on the chat windows but in person as well. I am comfortable hugging my gay friends and walk with them arm to arm ... but I prefer to be held by the waste rather than carry anyone's arms on my shoulders .... ngehhhh heavy . As my personal rule I never sit on bowls of public toilets neither do I squat over it and I never flushed the toilet with my feet.

I do twirl my pen between my fingers ( I do not know why). One lesson I have known by heart from my childhood is never to waste food and I do squeezed my toothpaste tube paper thin. I do not mind sending money to relatives or friends in the Philippines for as long as it is not dictated on me. I do not mind leaving my shoes at the door if it must spare my host's carpet getting soiled. I am confident having to use my fingers to measure the water when cooking rice rather than using the measuring cup. I do use grocery bags to hold the rubbish. It makes me uncomfortable to have someone pay for my dinner bill more I mind paying for others bills unless I invited them and offered a treat. I do not bother passing messages although I do make it a point to say something to a friend if just to let them know I care.

FAMILY AND RELATIVES: Most of my relatives are in the medical field, I am a nurse and so are most of my cousins.others are in business but not real estate. I may venture into it someday ... it is my wish. Friends call me with a name that is repeated but I can do with just one syllable of it. I know my relatives till the third degree but we were never as closely knitted. My father was definitely not from the navy. Smelling kisses from grandma is one of the things I missed . I did not have the chance to live with my own parents I do not have an idea how call each other. I would prefer to call my partner "Ga" .

FOODS: This category should make me very Filipino and let me tell you how far. I love eating chocolate rice pudding but dried fish has to be a particular specie of fish not just anything for it to be a good morning meal. I am not much of a softdrink user but yes I get it instead of a soda. Fresh pot of hot rice is always appreciated. I will order breakfast item eg., tapsilog,longsilog, tocilog and I missed it already. I may fry Spam and hotdogs and eat them with rice and if I ever bring baon it may be over rice still. I would understand goldilocks mean more than a fairytale character and would bring some of its products if I can. I missed eating purple yam flavored ice cream but I do not go out looking for one. I will put hotdogs in spaghetti, have supply of frozen lumpia in freezer, eat rice for breakfast and definitely prefer my shrimps with the head and legs and even whiskers on it.I do not dip bread in morning coffee, tea or chocolate drink. I am not happy bringing messy things in my bag and that includes hot containers that gets wet with its moisture. I bring energy bars, cookies and the like and yes it is still baon. I used to think that half hatched duck egg ( balut) is delicious but I can not manage to swallow it now. No I am not very fond of halohalo and I do not have an ice shaver. I know that chocolate meat is not made of chocolate but I can not eat it. I do not drink beer but if ever I do I might just have it refrigerated rather that with ice. It alters the taste.

Regardless of what I am or what I will become I am still a Filipino and proud to be one. The prose I AM A FILIPINO by Carlos P. Romulo should inspire everyone with the tinge of Filipino blood in him/her.

RELIABILITY and FRIENDSHIP

I met Ryan with his Mom in one of the meetings my agent called for. Some issues were going on and has to be sorted till our visa will be released. At that point, we were both happy to say that we will be there for each other when the time comes.

I happened to leave two weeks before Ryan yet on the next batch of input coming after me, we fell into each others arms on a big HUG. Ryan is a gay, and by all means he is what he is. He became the life of the group, he gathered so many friends even spent more time with them than we do. I had my own steps to make and was getting things done that practically - although we meet at certain times and enjoy some moments we never really come too close as to be side by side every time unlike some who were never away whenever and wherever I am.

Yet Ryan stood differently from among the others - straight or gay. Ryan knew that there were people who wanted to discredit me. Without me knowing it, there were people who tried to compete and rival with me at my back. There were people who wanted to pull and keep me down. And to all these people Ryan was there to even lie, boast and brag for me just to keep me on top. Ryan comes to me to encourage me to be strong. He tells me why I should be more credible than my counterpart and why I should be proud of what I got. Sometimes it gets funny when I had to ride on his jokes just to save his own face.

Then comes a more sensitive and more complicated issue. We had never talked for a long time then. If he must have heard of things, surely he got it from gossips. Very shortly before then, I knew he was into trouble himself. But when the time came, when he crossed the path where he was to show his loyalty, Ryan came up and bravely stood up to declare his allegiance to a friend. I did not expect him to do all those things. The most touching was I got the details of how he dared and courageously took my side from the very person that I was at odds.

Every thing is well and fine with us now. But Ryan was after all the best I got. I am not taking it against the others who wanted to play neutral. Yet, should I look back to what happened and remember what they have to say. I would expect that they can not be sincere with me as well. Sometimes we just have to say and show where we are if just to spell out our sincerity to a friend. As I can not tell Ryan how much I am very thankful of his friendship ... I want the world to know RYAN is as good as gold. He can be trusted.

Please Bless My Heart

A few hours before the first day of calendar year 2009 and my cellphone started to vibrate. Personal messages came popping out on the screen of the computer as well. It will be New Year and my friends were in the mood of celebrating, sending greetings and wishing the best in the days to come. This has always been the scenario we are used to ... in some homes were elaborate preparation for an evening meal, fireworks, maybe wine, songs and dances. On my third New Year in NZ though I got sick.

Afternoon of New Year's day I was rostered to work and I got another call for a double shift - it had to be a NO this time. The bug needed to rest. So right after things were done I immediately headed for home to grab some sleep - my mind started to wander. Oh I never realized I got these people keeping me in their phone books or messenger lists.

R was rather a shy, quiet guy and he never came close to me in friendship but he surely remembered me when he said - "happy new year RN." One lady, who I have seen as a socially isolated and distant person impressed me with her message that goes ..."Hi Chiki, Happy New Year! Just wondering where you are now - should you have time to visit Auckland send me a message." Then a Thai lady I met on the train came in as well, we just met once during my competency course and had a meal at one of the shops in Porirua and she remembered well. Several others, through their own means came in wishing the bug well.

It made me think deeper now ... so many times I said - friends I only have a few but this time I asked myself have I been too insensitive to care for the others? A man keeps telling me ... you are extremely possessive ... and I must admit I am very exclusive. What is mine is mine otherwise it is not mine and I don't care where the others stray for as long as near or far I have the loyalty of the few I believed is mine.

So i come to think about the people who came my way. Flor is a young nice lady, she has her own story to tell. One night as we were talking just shortly before we went to sleep I told her. It hurts me to hurt other people but I had been incessantly provoked and had taken retaliation. My spirit is totally devastated now not for anyone but because I realized it has made me less of what I should have become. In all wisdom and understanding she replied, learn to forgive yourself and trust in God. If in goodness God allowed it to happen, you might just well be an instrument to unconsciously save a friend or make one person better.

Then is another person named Lee, she is absolutely soft spoken, any time and any season. When she is upset, she talks about it but she is always in her kindly pleasant manners. She calls me when it is time for tea breaks, she makes me feel like I am always taken cared of. My heart tells me she is absolutely a good person.

One afternoon, my co staff noticed how I got some extra affinity to one of our residents. He said, " why do you care for her so much, she is naughty is it because you can see your naughty self in her?" . The resident was an old, little darling to me. She has cancer, more she is confused by age. She upsets other residents when she opens and strays on others' doors. She gets curses for her wanderings but when people starts getting aggressive and mad she does not look a wee bit challenge and respond with her own cursings as well.I don't know but I really find it funny.

When she became too tired to get up, I made it a point to see her first every time I come to work. She would give me that peculiar naughty wink and smile, calls me little devil chicky chuck, ( whatever that means) and says " you are so kind, thank you dear. " She gets grumpy and hits when she is done, I believe it is only because she is in pain and probably because she is angry and on denial that she can not do most of the things anymore. One day when I voluntarily fed her, missing the time when we laughed and joked, she touched me by the shoulder and said " I am sorry dear."

I know most people see me as firm, yet calm and cool. One time, a resident simply sent me berserk. Her shrill voice, and her eh eh, no good, no good, enhanced by her pointing finger simply got into my nerves. Another staff saw me, and with empathy she finished the work. I went out of the room but before I reached the next door I realized I failed that time. I did not go near the resident for three days, till one day she waved her hand for me. I did not mind her but I realized she was after all right. It was time for her medication so I hurriedly went back. I told her, are you alright today? I have your medication with me. As if blown by some magical winds, she responded somewhat defeated and dismayed ... I am no good, no good .

So another calendar year has come with its own set of dates to live each day. The past year has gone and there were people I spent time with, maybe more time than I should and most of them who knows where ... yet many others I never had moments with but they came wishing me well. As another year starts I pray for my own heart. May it has room enough to accommodate everyone worthy of its cares and simply goes numb for those who are merely teasers.