An infection trapped me in bed on the first week of December. My system went very bad it sent me questioning what I have done with it. I should say, 2009 was a very good year. I went over my journal and read fun, achievement, goodwill and joy. Surely there were some disappointments yet not much worth stopping for a tear. There was hard work and its corresponding reward , new acquaintances and some imprints of thoughts that people left in my mind and heart. 2009 was a really blessed moment in my lifetime.
Work took most of my time this year. Life for me is a struggle of getting and keeping up on our feet moving forward and steadily keep going never faltering by wasting time moaning at the dark pages of the past. We may never get too far as other spectators expected but as for myself I am happy where I am and will gladly move at my own pace. Everyone and everything we encounter each minute propels us to our destination and people nice and rude simply steers us to such direction.
Trapped inside my bedroom feeling sick and cold - I could not do anymore than close my eyes and just forget everything in sleep. Even then I hope that very soon I will wake up with enough strength and start working again - but it was not to be the story. There were oblivious risk on those long hours of work I agreed to take. Most of my clients were asking me - don't you ever sleep ? One client said, I do not want to ring the bell because I want you to grab some rest. Families visiting their relatives would say, oh dear you are working too hard. Although I appreciate their concern, somehow they put some kind of guilt in my brain. The attention they showed was telling me that people were seeing me pushing myself to the edge and are not comfortable and happy anymore.
One thing I have heard in the past kept coming back to my head: Nature works in a kind of BALANCE ... what you sow you reap ... what you do comes back to you ... etc. but it was not enough. Then something had to make an impact. One time a woman came in to tell us, that we were ALL good for nothing, lazy, liars. The words struck me with anger. In my thoughts I asked - Good for nothing ? - I invested my passion, my smiles, my heart, my goodwill, my good senses to be kind for your gain and I am good for nothing ? I dedicated my effort, mastering patience, understanding and acceptance for the all the stress ... and what have I reaped ???? If she were my client whom I served I could have forgiven her, but for one judgmental, arrogant and callous person who does not even know what she was talking about to say that - I find it gross ABUSE.
The words may not have been directed to me - but somehow as a professional health worker I am educated to deal with THERAPEUTIC communication. More I do not go around labeling people I do not know and I do not want to be unjustly labeled myself. While in bed, I started receiving calls asking me to do extra shifts - I said NO. I am a good for nothing, lazy liar. Soon enough, things made sense to me. I am not angry anymore - I have been working and working that my body failed to rest. I felt tired, dehydrated, worn out and wasted. Finally, it wanted to just lie down and sleep - recharge and rejuvenate.
The following week, I needed to see my doctor. He prescribed an antibiotic to clear out the remaining infection although I was not febrile anymore. My head was all clear although my nose was still stuffed. My throat would find the need to cough but I could not feel anything down my lungs. My abs circle pro stood waiting for me at my bedside, my Zumba sits waiting to be spun, Bravia had all the time to flirt with her flawless display, my laptop dutifully sung its songs - oh what a life - I do deserve all these - and now I have the time to visit Blogger to say how thankful I am - I needed the time to rest and I got it. THE BODY HAD SPOKEN !
